[Victoria Scavo is a graduating senior at King’s College, where she worked with my friend and her fellow Guest Poster Robin Field. I’m really excited to share her voice and writing in this excellent Guest Post, and look forward to hearing a lot more from Victoria in the years to come!]
Are Women
the Reason that Gender Roles Are Still Reinforced in our Young?
Victoria Scavo
King’s
College, Class of 2021
I am what my strict Italian family
calls a “good girl.” As I am cooking and cleaning at warp speed they say, “They
don’t make them like her anymore.” When my female cousins choose to sit around
on the holidays rather than help the rest of the women in the kitchen, I cannot
help but think something along the lines of: “Disappointments. Every last one
of them. Who do they think they are while sitting around gabbing with the men
in our family?” While I think these things, I also call myself a feminist. I
believe in gender equality. The question remains: how do I call myself a
fighter for equality while I simultaneously tear down women and perpetuate the
unfair, gendered expectations on them?
The suffocating gender roles that have been afflicting women since
time immemorial are well and alive in 2021—and it appears that women may be contributing
to the problem. While we live in a society that is much more supportive of gender
equality, the vicious cycle of gender roles that we are fighting to dismantle
are somehow still ingrained in the ways we govern ourselves. A 2020 survey by
Gallup confirmed that 58% of women feel obligated to do the laundry, 51% feel
responsible to clean and cook, and 50% believe it their chore to raise the
children.[1] Interestingly,
these “female” responsibilities are still encouraged in the Italian culture,
whether Italian mothers realize it or not. Known for the iconic movie The Godfather, Mario Puzo is one of many writers to depict the Italian immigrant
lifestyle through his work. Puzo does something quite unexpected with The Fortunate Pilgrim that he does not do with The Godfather: he focuses on the women’s stories. Beyond the lure and glamorized
lifestyle of the mafia are the inner workings of Italian families primarily
held together through the women that embody and encourage the gender roles we
know today.
Despite The
Fortunate Pilgrim being over 50 years
old and set 100 years ago, the gender roles portrayed in the book are alive
today. Puzo gives a detailed look at the degree which women run Italian
households through the characters of Octavia Angeluzzi and Lucia Santa
Angeluzzi-Corbo. While the men are expected to work and bring money home, the
women do the cooking, cleaning, and child raising. Additionally, they also must
be at their husbands’ beck and call, leaving little time for their own
selfcare. One notable scene in the novel occurs when Frank Corbo finally comes home
after being away for weeks. He left Lucia Santa to fend for herself and her six
children without a second thought, which greatly pained Lucia Santa. Rather
than addressing the unsaid feelings between them, Puzo narrates, “She rose and
went to the door where he had left his suitcase, as if he might not stay, and
put it in the farthest corner of the room. Then she made him a quick omelet to
go with his coffee.”[2]
Lucia Santa’s friend, Zia Louche, sees Frank and immediately gets up and gets
him a cup of coffee.2 This notion to serve and satisfy the men is
ingrained in these women. They prioritize their duties over anything else in
fear of disappointing men or causing gossip among the community paesanes, as
Italians would say.
The concept of a “good Italian girl” is
emphasized in The
Fortunate Pilgrim when the old
Italian women gossip about the younger girls in the neighborhood. For Lucia
Santa, the ideal wife for one of her sons would perform her womanly duties
without complaints. This good Italian girl should make life easy for him and
know her place. Contrary to this image would be the shameful girl who is
promiscuous and unruly; she is the one all the women criticize for not
conforming to the high expectations. While Puzo’s book may be fictional, this
mindset is quite real and has transferred through many generations of Italian women,
continuing to oppress women with sexist, outdated ideals.
In today’s society, the belief that
women can do and be anything is often encouraged and supported by most women
and men. While it may not seem surprising to see men now assuming the roles
that are often attributed to women, it is important to remember how long of a time
it took for this to occur. According to Pew Research, stay-at-home fathers made
up 17% of stay-at-home parents in 2016[3];
indeed, this percentage has most likely increased since 2020. In Puzo’s book, Lucia
Santa seems to want this type of progress for her daughter Octavia, which is
why she allows the scandalous marriage to occur between her Catholic daughter
and the Jewish fiancé. Lucia Santa feels a sense of pride and security knowing
that her daughter would not be forced to live the life that she wants for her
future daughters-in-law. Women knew how suffocating and toxic it was to push other
women to conform to those sexist standards, but it was commonplace for them to
resume those roles. These were not times where they had the platforms to fight
for change and liberation—all of that came much later.
Lucia Santa’s hypocrisy when it comes
to the expectations for her daughters-in-law versus her own daughter explains
the continued problem of why gender roles still have such a hold on women.
While Lucia Santa imposed the gender roles on her daughter and then wanted
better for her when it came to marriage, she still transferred a certain
mindset to her daughter of what a “good” woman is versus a “bad” one. This
mindset is still being taught in Italian culture today, except it has concealed
itself as a form of womanly independence. I can relate to this issue
considering my own mother had me standing on a chair at five years old learning
how to wash Tupperware properly. My conditioning only grew from there, and by
thirteen I was cooking and cleaning alongside my mother and grandmother while my
dad and brother watched. While my father does participate in the cooking and
cleaning on special occasions, he views it not as something that should simply
be done, but as a favor to my mother, as if he is helping her workload. Likewise,
my brother is expected to help out around the house, but not to the extent that
I am. When he chooses not to perform certain chores, it is excused because he
is a boy. When I try to do the same thing, I am reprimanded and given extra
duties to make up for my disobedience.
In my mother’s eyes, teaching me these
basic life skills and responsibilities aids my independence. She never wanted
me to be reliant on anyone, especially a man. Little did she know, I also
unconsciously learned the expectations of what women “should” be doing. Reading
Puzo’s book was an enjoyable experience for me because I could relate on a
personal level to the Italian culture. Some might feel that the Italian culture
is often stereotyped, but stereotype or not, I love it. It is real to me and
reflects my own family. What I did not expect from Puzo’s novel was how my own
life was illuminated in Octavia’s character. Her anger and frustration were something
I could relate to, for I also was running my household from a young age. When
discussing my feelings regarding my upbringing with my mother, she was
surprised to see how in a way she did unconsciously teach and reinforce gender
roles in our household. Interestingly, she said to me, “One day you’ll have a
family of your own, and you’ll think you’re being progressive in how you’re
raising them. You’ll be trying to do better than your parents did. Then one
day, you’ll have a conversation with your children and realize you screwed them
up too.” We laughed at her comment and realized how parenting styles are not
perfect, but they can be worked on. When I think about how I will raise my
children, I can say 100 things I would do differently in hopes that I will be
more progressive and stop the toxic cycle of gendered expectations. It all
comes down to this thought: until women stop holding each other to toxic
standards, gender roles will continue to be reinforced in younger generations.
We have to do better for the sake of the younger minds of the world.
Works
Cited
Brenan,
Megan. “Women Still Handle Main Household Tasks in U.S.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 14
Jan. 2021, news.gallup.com/poll/283979/women-handle-main-household-tasks.aspx.
Livingston,
Gretchen, and Kim Parker. “8 Facts about American Dads.” Pew Research Center,
Pew Research Center, 30 May 2020, www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/12/fathers-day-facts/.
Puzo, Mario. The Fortunate Pilgrim. Ballantine Books, 1964.
[Next
series starts Monday,
Ben
PS. What
do you think?]
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